


kitchen lights

by mjfeelz



Category: Camila Cabello (Musician)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-26 00:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjfeelz/pseuds/mjfeelz
Summary: lucy's slam poem.a companion piece to 'a supercut of us'.





	kitchen lights

**Author's Note:**

> this is only here coz wattpad hates me and my formatting obsessions. bless anyone who bothers coming here to read, truly <3

I used to read poetry under the kitchen lights at my grandmother’s house when I was younger  
I liked the discomfort  
Poe, Plath, Pessoa, Petrarch  
Them and the bright white light, the hard wooden chairs, the oppressive silence of a kitchen in a house asleep  
I used to think discomfort made you a poet  
Pain, anger, heartbreak, unrelenting sadness or boredom  
I looked at them and saw the ingredients of poems  
And I wondered how I could feel all that  
and become a poet myself

So I asked around, looking for answers  
and all of them told me  
“Fall in love, Lucy, and you’ll feel all the things”  
So I did.  
I fell in love with green-eyed girls and tried to write poems about them  
I felt all the things and couldn’t write any of them  
There was a universe inside I couldn’t express with words  
So I told it with photographs and paintings  
and hoped it was enough

But I wanted to be a poet, you see  
A poet whose words could turn into music  
A poet with rhyme and rhythm  
A poet who could write about love and have new things to say  
And for years I wanted to be the person standing here today and I couldn’t

Then I met her.

And it went the cliché way.  
Girl meets girl  
Girl can’t get girl off of her mind  
Girl chases girl  
Girls get together  
And in stories that’s usually the end, but not in real life  
In real life, the actual story begins at the start

It begins with brownie-flavored kisses and trips to see each other  
With families we’re afraid to introduce and meet  
With deep conversations in the middle of the night where we can’t see each other, but we listen  
We listen with the attention that only comes when your eyes are closed

It continues with moving across the country to study closer to her  
and with travelling to the opposite side of the country to heal  
And it continues with a tiny studio apartment where kitchen lights start mattering again

There are picture frames in my head, of us in that kitchen  
Of her playing the guitar and scribbling lyrics on a notebook  
Of her pouting as she not-so-patiently waits for me to be done with my essays  
Of her sleepy smile when she drags herself to the table in the mornings  
Of her saying she loves me with kisses and hugs and strawberry milkshakes made with rice milk even though she hates rice milk

She looks at me with stars in her eyes and so she became my sky  
And I thought the time had come again  
for me to express myself with paintings and photographs  
But her love gave me words  
It gave me words!

I could finally be a poet.

So I sat down under the kitchen lights and started writing about love  
Love and pain and longing  
So so much longing, for all the times she’s away and my heart aches for her  
All the times I give her the chance to choose something else and she shows me the meaning of trust  
All the times I lie awake wishing my heart wasn’t shriveled and shrunken and grim and glum  
Wishing my heart was big and bright enough for her

She thinks it is.

She believes in me with her huge, wide open heart  
and makes my heart want to beat jump _sing!_ for her  
Makes my heart bleed in Technicolor  
with all the emotions that consume me under the kitchen lights.

I am my own person standing here today, fulfilling my dream of being a poet  
My hands are shaking and my words stumble, child-like, still shy and unsure  
But I’m here  
I’m here because she inspired this bravery inside me  
She helped me be unafraid of what I feel  
And showed me that there’s no one stronger than those who are vulnerable and honest  
And that’s the choice I’ve made for myself  
To step on this stage as a person who is flawed and true  
To be here uncovered, baring my soul to the world  
To be vulnerable and honest no matter what lights I’m under


End file.
